


can we share a drink and let go of the pressure

by ciminos



Series: heartbreak weather [2]
Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: 1x06, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Benjamin "Benji" Cambell, Canon Compliant, Canon Rewrite, Character Study, Episode: s01e06 Creekwood Nights, M/M, Pining victor, Victor Salazar - Freeform, basically just a canon rewrite, except i made it longer and added a confession scene yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25600732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciminos/pseuds/ciminos
Summary: Victor and Benji's "perfect nights" both ended in disaster but maybe all they really need is each other.
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar
Series: heartbreak weather [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854487
Comments: 11
Kudos: 99





	can we share a drink and let go of the pressure

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoy !

Disaster, disaster, disaster, that’s the only word that Victor could use to describe his night. He had just ran out on Mia after he got too overwhelmed in the bedroom. He had hoped that he would be able to force himself to feel the things he was supposed to feel for her, but the truth is that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t. 

No matter how many times he tried to imagine himself enjoying taking things to the next level with her, his mind would always helplessly drift onto anything else. 

He thought that maybe once he was there in the moment that he would change his mind, but with each growing second feeling longer than the last, the only thing he felt was trapped. He tried to convince himself that it was just butterflies, that maybe the pit he felt in his stomach would drop the second they started getting physical, but a tiny part of him knew that it wasn’t true. 

He tried to swallow those feelings down, to wrap them up and shove them as far back into his mind as he could possibly go. But with every passing minute he could feel them grow. He wanted nothing more than to want be with Mia, but he couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried.

Victor honestly felt like breaking down right there in Mia’s room but he managed to hold himself together until the second he stepped out of her house. From there he felt the emotions unwrap at a rate so fast he couldn’t stop them. He felt every doubt and insecurity he had ever buried release from the back of his mind and swarm around him.

He thought of his parents who would never look at him the same. He thought of the kids at school who’d make fun of him. He thought of Mia and how she’d never forgive him. 

His eyes began to sting as he used every bit of strength to push down his tears. He felt his throat thicken as he choked back the sobs that threatened to escape. He pulled out his phone and quickly typed out a message to Simon before his emotions got the better of him.

_TO: Simon Spier_

_Dear Simon, I was supposed to take things to the next level with Mia tonight and I froze. I thought I was ready but maybe I wasn’t. Maybe that’s all this is. But at the same time it feels like so much more. I really do like her but, what if that isn’t enough?_

Victor tucks his phone into his back pocket and runs. He doesn’t know where he’s going but he had to get as far away from Mia’s house and all the emotions surrounding it as soon as possible. With each heavy step he feels himself breaking inside. 

Step. What if my parents kick me out? Step. What if nobody wants to be friends with me anymore? Step. What if I lose everything i’ve worked so hard for?

Victor wanted to keep running until his feet ached, and then run some more. He wanted to forget about everything. Forget about the pressure that he was constantly bombarded with from having to be the perfect son, perfect team member, perfect friend, perfect boyfriend. 

He pushed himself as hard as he could hoping that the pain in his feet would draw attention from the thoughts eating away at him from the inside out. He ran out of Mia’s neighborhood. He ran passed the school. He ran until he physically couldn’t take another step.

He collapsed onto his knees as they slammed into the wet pavement. He didn’t know where he was but he didn’t care. He used every bit of strength he had left to force himself to think about anything else. He felt his mind gravitate to the one thing he felt occupying his mind constantly these days. Benji. 

He thought about Benji and how he could make him forget about everything. He thought about his smile that lit up the room as he walked in. He thought about his laugh that was so contagious that everyone felt compelled to laugh even if they didn’t know what it was about. He thought about his voice and how he could easily drop out of school and end up a successful singer who toured the world.

He felt his back pocket buzz and he slowly reached back and pulled it out, squinting as the bright screen blinded his bleary eyes.

_FROM: Simon Spier_

_Hey, Victor. I know you really like Mia and you’ve been trying to figure out if you’re attracted to her, but it sounds like tonight you realized that you’re not, and that’s okay. But maybe it’s time for you to really figure out what you want, before somebody get’s hurt._

Victor picks himself up off the ground and feels as if someone had punched him the gut. He feels guilty, terrified and sore. Guilty that he had strung Mia along for weeks, terrified that she’ll never forgive him, and sore from running for God knows how long.

He swallows down his thoughts, wraps up his emotions, shoves them back into the depths of his mind where he had been keeping them for years, and dials Mia. She answers on the first ring and Victor feels himself freeze,

“Hey Victor, is everything okay?”

“Hey Mia, I-,” Victor thinks about Simon’s message and uses every drop of courage he has in his entire body to push out the words, “I think I like guys, like, like i’m into them. I’m sorry.” 

When he finally lets the words leave his mouth for the first time in his life he physically feels 100 pounds lighter. He feels his shoulders release every bit of tension they had been holding. He feels his stomach that had felt like it had been in knots all night untie with each passing millisecond. He feels like he could run all the way to his house despite the fact that his legs still burned with pain.

The other side of the line is silent for a while and Victor starts to think that Mia had hung up until she speaks,

“Okay.” Her tone isn’t loud or harsh as Victor imagined it would be. Instead it is soft and quiet with a hint of benevolence. 

“Just okay? A-are you mad? Because I totally get it i-if you’re mad.”

“No Victor i’m not mad, I get it, I just need a little time to think things over, but..” she talks slowly and Victor can tell she’s thinking over every word as it leaves her mouth, “but i’m not mad, and I’m here for you.”

For the first time tonight Victor feels himself smile, and it’s a real smile. Not the smile he wore at home when he pretended that everything was perfect. Not the smile he wore at church when people tried to set him up with their cousins. Not the smile he wore at school when people would ask how things were going with his girlfriend. This smile was completely natural, it was broad and cheesy and if Victor saw himself right now he’d probably be shocked at just how happy and stress-free he looked.

“Thanks Mia.” Is all Victor says before they exchange goodbyes and hangs up the phone. Maybe he could do this. Maybe he could be his real self here. Maybe one day he could have a boyfriend to spoil and want to be with forever. 

Boyfriend, his mind lingers on the term longer than anything else. He thinks about a certain boy with rich hazel eyes and light brown hair. A boy who wore tight t-shirts and had the ability to make him feel like the only person in the world. A boy with a wide bright smile who looked like he didn’t care about what anyone thought about him.

He thinks back to earlier that day and how Benji had said he would be throwing an anniversary dinner for Derek at work. He opens up the map on his phone and locates Brasstown before slowly making his way there. It was pretty late but maybe he hadn’t missed them yet.

He didn’t even know what he would do if he actually was there, but right now he just wanted to see Benji. He needed to be with him and tell him everything, even if it hurt.

**

He finally reached Brasstown after about 20 minutes. It probably wouldn’t have taken so long if he didn’t feel his legs ache with every step he took, but at the same time it was like it was motivating him. As the pain traveled up his legs and wrapped around his heart he could feel himself pushing harder, walking faster, and falling harder.

He peers through the window and notices a silhouette moving behind the counter. He could tell that it was Benji from the second he saw him and he felt his heartbeat rise with anticipation. Suddenly he forgot about the pain in his legs and the swelling of his chest and instead could only focus on the boy in front of him. He opened the door and watched Benji’s gaze burn into him as they made eye contact.

He was wearing a long-sleeve black tee that fit snug on his shoulders and biceps and became loose towards the bottom as it hit his hips. His pants were also black and tight which showed off his fit legs.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Benji breaks the overwhelming silence but his eyes stay locked onto Victor and continue to follow him as he makes his way behind the counter.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Victor feels his insides ignite with curiosity and wonder, “how did ‘Tratorria di Benji’ go?

“Fine,” Benji smiles, but it’s not his usual smile and Victor can tell. Benji’s own boyfriend probably didn’t spend as much time studying Benji’s face as Victor did but he couldn’t help it. He could tell when Benji was unsure, sad, happy, or confused just by looking at him. “How was your big date?” 

Victor thinks back to earlier that night and feels his emotions start to crawl up from the bottom of his throat but he forcefully swallows them down. 

“Not much to tell,” he chooses to say, deciding he didn’t need to get into everything that had happened yet. He can tell that Benji knows that something is wrong, but they both silently acknowledge not to talk about it. “you working on your latte art?”

Victor watches as the plastic smile on Benji’s face fades and replaces with a genuine grin, “Yep, I think I might actually be getting better.” 

Victor moves closer until he’s standing only a foot away from Benji, 

“Really?” Victor teases. They stare at each other for a little too long and he can feel his cheeks start to heat until Benji looks down and away,

“Mhm, wanna try?” Benji offers. 

“Yeah.” 

“The trick is to pour quickly,” Victor looks down into the mug but he feels Benji’s stare fall back onto him the second he does, “what do you want to make?”

“how about…” Victor thinks back to a conversation they had had earlier that day and smiles to himself, “a meatball, ugly but _so_ delicious.” 

He watches as Benji visibly connects the dots and then bursts out into laughter. 

Victor laughs as well before he picks up the steamed milk with one hand and uses his other to rotate the mug filled with coffee. He’s so concentrated that he almost doesn’t notice when Benji wraps his hand around his own and guides it as they create the shape. 

He feels himself bubble with emotion and it takes every bit of him to pretend like it’s no big deal. He finally finishes the meatball and instantly feels his hand grow cold when Benji lets go.

Victor turns to look at Benji and almost jumps when he realizes that their faces are only a few inches apart. He feels his heart flip and his thoughts jumble as he watches Benji look over his own face. He watches as his eyes dance around, first looking through his hair, then making their way down passed his eyes and onto his lips. 

A gust of wind blows through the door and the two tear apart almost comically. Benji shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts and then looks down into the cup,

“Wow it actually turned out pretty good.”

“What do you mean ‘actually’? Are you so surprised that I’m a natural?” Victor teases as he looks down to take in the art for himself. It isn’t perfect but then again, what meatball is. It kind of reminded him of himself in a way. It had its bumps and its imperfections but in the end it was still there, still trying. 

“Surprised? no. But impressed? yes,” Benji chuckles as he picks up the mug and takes a sip, “taste’s pretty good but that parts on me.”

Victor watches as Benji swallows and his eyes trace down his entire body until he catches himself and looks back up. He could tell that Benji had seen him because his cheeks had turned a light pink and his eyes were wide as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

Benji quickly turns as soon as their eyes meet and walks over to an empty table. He sits down and lifts his feet in order to kick out the chair sitting across from him, offering Victor to take a seat.

Once he finally sits down Benji slides the mug over to him and grins, “Try for yourself.”

Victor breaks his gaze on him and places it onto the mug before picking it up and moving it up to his lips. 

His tongue meets the liquid and he feels it shoot through his entire body and snap him awake. The drink is hot and nearly burns his tongue but it’s smooth and creamy while also rich with flavor.

“Wow it is pretty good, you’re the real natural here.”

“Nah it took me forever to learn how to make drinks well,” Benji laughs, “Sarah almost had to fire me because of the amount of times customers complained about their orders. Luckily i’ve gotten better since then or I wouldn’t be here.”

Victor imagines working at Brasstown without Benji and he feels a hole grow inside his chest. Although he did enjoy having a job there, he couldn’t deny that a large part of that reason was getting to work beside him. 

He thought about the many times their hands grazed while making coffee, the countless laughs they shared when they heard crazy customer orders, the inside jokes they made while working late nights, the numerous glances that Victor would sneak when Benji wasn’t looking.

“I’m really glad that you’re here,” Victor lets out before thinking. Once the words leave his mouth he freezes, as true as they were he wasn’t sure that it was the right time to let his feelings out, not yet. 

“I mean- um- like glad you’re here right now, n-not that i’m not glad you aren’t working here but-“

Benji cuts him off with a laugh, “I’m glad that you’re here too.” 

Once again their eyes meet for a moment longer than usual. Victor feels his stomach empty and fill with desire. If he wasn’t so scared he would reach out and grab Benji by the neck and pull him into a kiss that went on forever. He wanted to kiss him until he ran out of breath and could feel his lips grow numb and then keep going. 

He wanted to pick him up every morning and drive him to school. He wanted to go to his band’s gigs and cheer in the crowd as loud as he could until his throat burned. He wanted to be able to look to the bleachers in the middle of a game and see Benji and his parents holding up a cheesy sign that they spent all night making. He wanted to spend every last second with him until they grew sick of each other.

Finally Victor turns his head away and his eyes fall onto a table of food that sat a few seats down. He turns back to Benji and looks at him quizzically,

“Is that the food you made?” he questions as Benji’s eyes follow his own and land on the two plates.

“Oh, yeah.” 

Victor stands up and walks over to inspect the table. There’s a large lit candle placed in the middle surrounded with white rose pedals. On opposite sides of the table were two ceramic bowls, both nearly filled with food that looked as if it had barely been eaten. 

The two bowls had long golden noodles slightly spilling out of the top that were layered with a bright red sauce. There was also about 5 meatballs delicately placed on top of the mountain of sauce. The forks that lay next to the food were dirty which was the only indicator that the food had at least been touched.

Victor hadn’t noticed that Benji had stood up and followed him until he speaks up beside him, 

“That was for me and Derek but…” Victor watches as Benji stares down. He can tell that he is trying to figure out what to say as his eyes close shut and he taps his finger unconsciously on the table top.

“Well it looks amazing,” Victor chimes in and he watches as Benji releases the tension in his shoulders and look back up, “but it looks like it may go to waste.”

“If you’re hungry maybe we could finish it.” Benji suggests as he traces his knuckle along the table and then runs his fingers up his own arm.

Victor smiles and nudges Benji in the shoulder in an attempt to knock his thoughts askew and get him to relax, 

“Sure, hope you’re as good at fixing food as you are at making coffee.” He teases as he sits down and wipes the fork off onto the napkin. 

**

They eat in a comfortable silence but Victor can feel unspoken words hovering around them floating in the air. He feels as if he’s sitting in a bubble and one wrong move would result in it popping and everything crashing down around him. 

He watches Benji as he eats and is surprised that someone can eat spaghetti and not get it all over their face and clothes. _As is Benji wasn’t already perfect enough_ he thinks to himself as he picks up a napkin and wipes his own face.

Part of him wants to ask where Derek is, but another part of him wants to keep them there in that moment forever, thinking about nothing else but each other. 

The light from the candle bounces off the side of Benji’s face and makes his eyes shine. Their feet are tangled together under the table after a quick game of footsie that ensued a couple seconds after Benji sat down. 

Benji finally notices his staring and looks up at him with his eyebrows drawn together, 

“What? Is there something on my face?” He asks as he grabs the napkin and rubs it across entire face. 

“No, no it’s nothing.” Victor chuckles as he reaches over and pulls Benji’s hand down away from his lips. He lets his hand linger on top of Benji’s and uses his thumb to lightly rub across his fingers.

He notices Benji’s face falter and he starts to pull away until Benji flips his hand around so that he can grab onto his, “We broke up.”

“What?”

“Me and Derek, we broke up right before you got here.”

As soon as the words hit Victor’s ear he feels a small part of him ignite, but he pushes that feeling down and replaces it with feelings of empathy and curiosity. 

“I’m sorry Benji-“

“No,” Benji interrupts, “ _I_ broke up with him.” The wonder inside of him continues to grow until it’s the only thing he could think about. 

“Why?”

Benji is silent for a minute before he exhales, “He made me feel bad a lot of the time, about the stuff that I like to do, about being a romantic…” Victor feels the energy around them vibrate with unspoken tension. As each word leaves Benji’s mouth he feels himself convulsing towards him but he uses all his strength to hold himself back.

“Y’know.. I wanna be with someone who doesn’t make me feel anxious all the time.. someone who makes me feel like I can just be myself, and that’s enough, and…” Victor feels as if the air around them was holding him down and forcing him to be there in that moment. He feels his pulse speed up and his throat swell. “that’s how you make me feel, Victor.” 

As soon as Benji finishes he feels the heavy pressure that had been surrounding him since he got there evaporate and replace with light breezy air. He feels the anticipation inside of him begin to dull as his eyes look over Benji’s face. He feels his eyes pierce into him as if he’s searching for something.

Victor looks down and begins to pull out the feelings he had suppressed in the back of his head out to the front of his mind. He closes his eyes as the words settle in. Part of him feels like he’s spinning, all his doubts and insecurities start to come spilling out and he fights the urge to run. But another part of his brain feels like he’s dreaming, like maybe everything he thought he wanted could be his if he just reached out.

He looks back to Benji. He looked open and afraid. A look that Victor had never actually seen on him. He looked as if he had just put his heart out on the line and every passing second that Victor didn’t respond was breaking him. 

“That’s how you make me feel too.” Victor pushes out. He can hardly believe he actually said the words out loud until he feels himself being pulled closer over the table as his lips finally connect with Benji’s. It’s awkward and kind of uncomfortable because they’re leaning over a wide table but at the same time it feels perfect. Benji’s lips are soft and delicate. He feels his hands as they run up his neck and through his hair.

They finally break apart after an unknown amount of time and Victor lets go of the breath he wasn’t aware he was holding in. 

“Wow.” Victor gleams as he looks to Benji and brings his thumb up to his mouth to feel his own lips. The taste of Benji lingered and his mouth felt like it was buzzing. The tension around them had settled and Victor felt the feeling of warmth flow through him from the top of head to the heals on his swollen feet. 

“Yeah.” Benji says back, equally at a loss for words.

**

They stay there for a while, talking about anything that comes to mind. Victor tells Benji about how he was definitely going to wake up sore in the morning and Benji tells him that he’ll take care of him. Benji tells him about how he nearly burned his hair off while cooking and Victor bursts out laughing imagining how that could even happen. 

Finally they decide its getting a little too late and Victor helps Benji clean up before they both walk out the door. 

“So, I’ll call you tomorrow.” Victor says, almost as a question, like he isn’t sure that Benji is ready for something more yet. 

“Okay.” Benji answers which makes Victor calm down. 

They walk together in a comfortable silence until it’s time for them to part ways. Victor isn’t sure if they’re supposed to wave goodbye or hug or shake hands, but Benji must have read his mind because a second later he laughs before pulling him into a quick kiss that Victor wished lasted forever. 

Victor walks the rest of the way home and even though his feet still hurt, this time he lets the emotions inside overpower the feeling in his legs. He focuses on Benji and his soft lips and kind eyes and adorable laugh, and feels himself fall harder every passing second.


End file.
